dumpster divin

So this weekend I took Misty(my 7yr old) and Travis (my fat ass 11yr old) dumpster diving cause Tyson's turning 4 this week and I didn't want to spend my money on some toys when I know we could get some nice stuff for free. Well Misty was acting like a baby cause she was scared that a garbage truck was going to come get the garbage while she was still inside... she's so dumb. And I was like "Hell Misty its 2am no truck is going to come get ya" and she kept whining so I told her for acting all spunky on me she was going to have to go to the time out shed for like a day when we got home.

So I think we made a pretty good haul... here's some of the stuff we found:

box springs for a twin

a box full of readers digests from 1970- 1992

some Van Damme movies that were still shrink wrapped and were marked $1 ( thats a pity cause Hell even I know they're worth more then that like at least $5 each)

some old tatoo needles that Travis thought he could use with some ink from a pen

and a Treadmill... I think maybe I can get Ronnie to work on it and get the motor started and maybe trade it for some beer or some cigerettes or somthing.

ignert

Now that I'm starting to show people have been so pissy to me lately.

Like I'll be out on a cigerette break drinking a beer with a trucker and this city lady who was filling her "Lexus" up with gas walked past me and stared at me and told me I should have more self respect for my baby.

And I was like "Listen Bitch I can do whatever I want... I already have 3 kids and they've turned out just fine" and she was like "I bet they were born all underweight and were premature" and I was like "Uh no smartass they weren't and my one son who is 11 weighs 200lbs so there." That got her good.

Then she was like "well at least put on a shirt... you look ridiculous wearing that bikini top with your belly hanging out" and so I said "You're just ignert" and I threw my empty beer can at her.

Then Bert and I started laughing real hard and then Bert farted.

drunk barf breath

well matter of fact we did have a real shitty christmas. They only got about 2 presents each and they weren't even what they asked for. Like Travis asked for an Xbox 360 with 5 games and somebody just got him a REGULAER Xbox with 2 games. I mean damnit! he already has an Xbox and a PS2 from last years christmas. Why do you think I asked for an Xbox 360. Ignert Retards.

So he cried and wet his sweats all day. He wanted to change out of his sweats real bad but I said Helll no cause I wasn't going down to the laundromat until next week. He's so fat I can't stand him. I always stay stuff like "You're a fat and ugly whore." "You breath smells like a drunk barfed on you and you ate it." He tries real hard to keep it together and thats no fun. So I'll add "Your real father wishes you were dead cause you're so fat and ugly"

Then Misty and Tyson my other kids will run up to him and hit him with a board or a jump rope sometimes. Then we all just sit on the couch, laughing while he cry's and blubbers. We got him crying so hard the other day that he pooped his pants. So I made him go get this cattle prod that a truck driver left at my house one night and I shocked him a couple of times. But I made a mistake and made him bend over and shocked him on his ass but I forgot that he had a huge turd sitting in his underpants so it didn't really even do anything to him except it cooked the turd and it smelled like a hundred year old turd covered in burnt hair.

It was sick