Hairy Gary

so my ex just got remarried. i guss she's cute and all I mean if you like a woman who has eyes to close together and has deodorant stains all over her clothes.
the one thing that pisses me off more than anything about her and him is that she calls him "Hairy Gary" and he HATES to be called "Hairy Gary" anyway if she and I were alone in a room lets just say I wouldn't mind losing a few of my press ons scratching the hell out of her face.

Party Time

So I gave Misty my slaggy 7 year old a birthday party. A couple of the mom's were VERY uhhhhhhhhgly to me afterwards and one even threatened to call the po po on my ass. I mean hell there the ones who dropped their kids off knowing where we were going. The invitation said

"We're going to the Glitter Factory for Misty's party. Fruit "Leather" and yummy chocolate to taste test will be available. All party favors will come home wrapped in discreet brown paper"

Tracy my friend who hosted the party kept things very tasteful so I don't what the hell their problem was.

gettin healthy

so last night at the truck stop I told the kids they could each get a five finger discount on a drink and Travis my fat ass chumba wumba showed me that he had this 32 oz MONSTER ENERGY drink in his shirt sleeve and I was like "you are so damn unhealthy GO GET YOURSELF A SODA damnit"

kids these days

heart of gold tokens

i sure do love that billy ray. he has been saving up these gold tokens that the flying J gives so that truckers can have showers. well it cost $1 for 4 tokens and that gives you a 2 min shower for 2 tokens each time. well you also can trade in tokens for all sorts of stuff like potoe logs and lap dances. so billy ray has been only takin 2 min showers for the last couple of weeks and saving his remainden tokens up for a present for me. it was such a suprize

he said
kim you are my idian angel from above

and then he gave me this



and i mite have teared up a little

Registered

i called gary my sorry asscuse of an ex who is baby girls daddy. well at least as far as i know he is. but it could have been his nephiew.

so I was like

gary whats your new celly number?

and he was like

307-777-8781

and i was like Kewl

so then a couple of days later I got real DRUNK and drunk dialed gary so I could tell him some feelings I still had about him and how I was sorry that I ran over his bart simpson lawn ornment 2 weeks ago.

so it rang
and then this femal robot voice came on and it was like

"HELLO"

and I was like "wazzz up"

and then it said

"STATE YOUR NAME"

and so I sed

"Kimberlie Bald Eagle Lewis"

and it was like

"PLEASE ENTER YOUR 10 DIGIT TELEPHONE NUMBER FOLLOWED BY THE # SIGN"

so i did

then it sed

"PLEASE ENTER YOUR ZIP CODE FOLLOWED BY THE # SIGN"

and so i did

and then it said

"THANK YOU. YOU ARE NOW REGISTERED AS A SEX OFFENDER IN THE STATE OF WYOMING. HAVE A GREAT DAY"




gary is such a basturd.

puttin her in her place

my mom called today and said "i think billy ray is a bad dude" and i was like "thank you" and she was like "I didn't mean that as a compliment" and I was like "mom you can just go to hell cuz I know he's not. i mean where do you think he's at right now?" and she was like "probably some smoke shop" and I was like "well that answer just proved your so ignert cuz guess what..... right now he's performing community service. so there"
that got her good.

how i got my name

32 years ago my mom was riding on the back of a guy's harley having a helluva good time celebratin America's birthday then her water broke well sure enough the dude got so pissed that "baby marinade" got all over his hog he up and left her on the side of the road.

then a bald eagle sored over her head and I crowned and then the bald eagle tried to swoop down and get me because I was so beautiful and small and I'm pretty sure that it wanted to take me to back to its nest and raze me. but that didn't happen but my mom took it as a sign that I would be special so thats why she named me what she did so it would be all symbolic and shit. so thats why my name is Kimberlie Bald Eagle Lewis.

it was a good day for my mom since i'm her pride & joy. well except for it being the last time she saw my dad. that kind of sucked balls i bet.

county fair

billy ray finally remebered that tim magraw song. he said it has somethin to do about the county fair??????? but thats all he knew. i've been listin to the radio all day to see if it would come on & even put out a couple requests to truckers on my cb to see if they knew what the hell billy ray is talking about. i guess someone must have pissed in all of their wheaties cuz know one would respond to me!

anyways i took the liburties to get us some "county fair" fantasizing outfits.

last nite turned out exactly as I hoped it could. here's some pictures




i made up some of my homemade hamburger helper
and as a side dish some leftover chines food from last week
he gobbled it up


i gave this to billy ray as a anerversary gift


i've been saving those up for 3 years now. i told billy ray that there was probaly enough marlboro miles to get himself a kayak.
then bill ray gave me a present too ;) ;) i'm not shittin you he really did.





billy ray with "puss n bootz"

he said he'd get me a frame the next time he breaks into Trish's place (aka skankyass ex)to steal stuff. i sed that would do just fine. until then I'll just tack it up on my ceiling above my bed.

happy anaversery

tonite i'm going to make billy ray a special dinner to commerate our anniversary. its been 6 days (and 5 beautiful &mystical nights) that we've been 2gether. last night was probaly the best so far we did it like 8 times and i was able to ask billy ray to play out my favorright fantasy and pretend to be my parole officer. lets just say he's got a very genteel touch with that anklet bracelet.

so then I asked billy ray what his fantasy was and he was like "you know that tim mcgraw song"
and I was like "no"
and he was like "damnit"
and i was like "sing it to me baby" cuz billy ray has got the voice of an angle. and was he like "i forgot"

hopefully tonite he'll remembier. cause i love fantasizing.

also should i git him a gift or somethin?

what happend on the rez

well some people know I died a couple months back. i was on the rez playing bingo with my favoright indian Black Jack. well one minute I'm stamping hot pink dots all over my bingo cards and the next minute I looked over at Black Jack and thought it would be real cute to stamp a dot right there on his weenie. I mean hell he was looking so SeXXXy in his camel tshirt and breech cloth.

so I said "how bout I put a little war paint on ya" real sexy like and then stamped it. by it I mean his weenie of corse

then all the sudden I was in this choke hold and I couldn't breath and I died

well i might not have died so much as maybe just passed out cause then the next thing I know i was inside this teepee and a dream catcher was floating over me.
it was a very spiritual moment.

then Black Jack took me to the elders to get a tat to memorilize what had happened. I had them add a indian feather to my elmo tramp stamp. just hopin one day that I'll be spiritual enough to give elmo a full war bonnet.

gone huntin

last night billy ray took me huntin. well actually he just took me out to his truck after he had gotten back from huntin. He said "kim come here I want to show you sumpin" and then we stared at this dead buck laying in the back of his pickup for like 5 minutes. then one thing led to another and we decided to GET IT ON in the back of his cab. well then all of the sudden I heard billy ray fumbling around with the window above my head and trying to slide it open. and I said "what the hell are you trying to do" and he was like
"i've always wanted to touch two racks at the same time"



billy ray is somethin special I'll tell ya that right now

Billy Ray

i met a new man. his name is Billy ray. we did it 4 times last night. and then he carved a wolf figurine for me with some nail clippers.